


If A Tree Falls In A Forest…

by decadent_mousse



Series: Phone Sex And Other (Mis)adventures [3]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Car Sex, Hand Jobs, M/M, Stargazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-19
Updated: 2013-10-19
Packaged: 2017-12-29 21:03:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1010076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decadent_mousse/pseuds/decadent_mousse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Newt hoped Hermann would like this.  He had been planning this thing for weeks.  Earlier they’d had a nice dinner at one of Hermann’s favorite restaurants.  The place had always been a bit too fancy for Newt’s tastes, but Hermann loved it, so he had learned to cope.  He’d taken him there because he wanted tonight to be special.   Dinner was just the opening act – now it was time for the main event.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If A Tree Falls In A Forest…

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again to my beta for looking this over! I got a little carried away on this one. It was supposed to be roughly the length of the other two fics in the series but, uh, it got longer - quite a bit longer.

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

Hermann side-eyed him.  “What kind of surprise?”

“Well, if I _told_ you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?  Trust me, you’ll love it.”

Newt hoped he would, anyway.  He had been planning this thing for weeks.  Earlier they’d had a nice dinner at one of Hermann’s favorite restaurants.  The place had always been a bit too fancy for Newt’s tastes, but Hermann loved it, so he had learned to cope.  He’d taken him there because he wanted tonight to be special.   Dinner was just the opening act – now it was time for the main event.

Hermann became visibly nervous when Newt veered off onto a dirt road that only resembled a road in the loosest sense of the word.  “Are you sure you know where you’re going?”

“Dude, will you just relax?  You’re acting like I’m taking you out into the woods to axe murder you or something.  Which, y’know, if I was going to snap and kill you, I think I’d have already done it.  _Years_ ago.”

“That’s very reassuring.”

Newt grinned.  He had done enough practice runs out here during daylight hours that he was pretty confident that he could navigate to and from their destination well enough at night.  Hell, he could probably even do it with his eyes closed, but he wanted to give Hermann a sweet, romantic evening, not a heart attack.

“This place we’re going to…”

“I’m _not_ telling you where we’re going.  You could tie me up and do that torture thing where they stick little slivers of bamboo underneath your fingernails and I still wouldn’t tell you.”

“Really.”

“Well, okay, no, if you did that I’d probably tell you, but you’re not going to.  My point is, you’re not finding out until we get there, so quit pestering me.  God.”

He was actually a little worried that if Hermann kept nagging at him that he _would_ end up telling him.  It was already kind of miraculous that he hadn’t blurted out his plans to Hermann already, because having this night planned and not saying a _word_ about it, ever, at any point in the last few weeks had been it’s own special kind of torture.  Newt was shit at keeping secrets, he was well aware of this, and so he was pretty proud of himself for holding out this long.  His brain was buzzing with urgency, and he wasn’t sure how much of it was his eagerness to reach their destination and how much of it was Hermann’s curiosity nudging through their connection.  Actually, he felt like a _lot_ of it was Hermann’s nudging.

“Dude, stop it.  That’s cheating.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, right.”  For the most part, the lingering connection left by their Drift had died down enough that it mostly only relayed particularly intense emotions or, sometimes, really brief glimpses of a thought or an image – not really anything either of them could hold onto.  They had lost that weird telepathy pretty early on, which was kind of a relief – being able to read someone’s thoughts always sounded awesome until you actually _could_ , then it was just stressful.  So, Newt was _reasonably_ sure Hermann couldn’t figure out what he was up to, no matter how hard he poked his brain.  Just in case, though, he drove a little faster.

~

Newt parked in a small clearing at the top of a hill.  More specifically, _the_ hill – the one he’d decided, when cruising around one day, would be the perfect place to watch an upcoming meteor shower with his boyfriend.

“Well, here we are,” he said.

Hermann peered outside then gave Newt a perplexed look.  “Where’s ‘here?’”

“The perfect spot.”

“The perfect spot for _what_ , exactly?”  The look on Hermann’s face told Newt what _he_ thought he was thinking.  He wasn’t entirely wrong, but still, the plan was to watch the meteor shower, and if they happened to do anything else while they were there, well, that was just a bonus.

“It’s _still_ a surprise.  Man, and you call _me_ impatient.  Just wait for it.”

“How am I supposed to wait for something when I don’t even know what it is?”

“You’ll know it when you see it, trust me.”

Hermann opened his mouth to say something else, and that’s when the first meteor decided to make an appearance.

Newt was tempted to dig out his phone and snap a picture – not of the meteor shower, but of Hermann.  He looked really, really happy – not just the restrained kind of happy he usually tried to limit himself to but almost _giddy_ with excitement, and it was awesome. 

“Newton, this is…”  He trailed off and just stared speechlessly as more of them lit up the night sky.

“I told you you’d know it when you saw it.”  He was pretty pleased with himself.  They’d only been there for a couple minutes and it was already the best couple of minutes ever, and that was him – he had done that.  “See, what did I tell you?  You like it, right?”

Hermann looked at him silently, eyes full of emotion, like he had a million things to say and no idea how to say them.  It did warm, fuzzy things to Newt’s insides.

“Wow, okay.  I’m coming over there.”

Hermann blinked, “What?”

“I.  Am.  Coming.  Over there.  You can’t just look at me with those eyes and that _face_ and expect me to stay over here, dude.”

“Newton, there’s not very much space to maneuver in here.  Are you sure this is a good–“

Newt was already moving.

He carefully slung one leg over onto Hermann’s side of the car and for one extremely uncomfortable moment, he sort of got stuck straddling the stick shift.  He turned slightly, leaning on Hermann’s seat with his knee and swinging his other leg over.  He lost his balance and narrowly avoided falling face-first into Hermann’s lap, which wouldn’t have been that bad if that’s what he’d been aiming for, but it wasn’t.  After a bit more wrestling around – during which Hermann just sat very still in his seat, watching with an expression of mild amusement on his face – Newt finally finished his migration to Hermann’s side of the car.  He straddled him, careful not to put too much weight on Hermann’s leg.

“You know,” Newt said, breathing heavily, “I remember that being a lot easier twenty years ago.”

“Yes, well, you are getting older.”

Newt’s gaped at him.  “Wh– Dude, I am _not_ old.  What are you even–“

“I said old _er_ , not _old_ ,” Hermann replied, the corners of his mouth quirking ever-so-slightly upward.

“Uh huh.  Well, y’know, maybe we should just focus on the meteor shower.  I wouldn’t want to _distract_ you.”  He moved as though he was going to slide off of Hermann and back into his own seat – which, _really_ , if he’d been serious, he would’ve just opened the door and gone around because, holy shit, trying to seductively crawl around in a car was not easy.  He was pretty sure he was going to have bruises.

Hermann’s hands reached up to grip his hips.  “I prefer the view from here.”

“Hmm, I dunno, man.  What’s in it for me?”

Hermann leaned in and kissed him.  His hands slid off of Newt’s hips, and he had about half a second to wonder where they’d disappeared to when Hermann grabbed his ass.  Newt totally did _not_ make a loud squeaky sound, because that would have been embarrassing – okay fine, yes, he did, because Hermann’s hands weren’t just passively cupping his ass, they were actively _squeezing_ it, and Newt was only human. 

Newt leaned down and kissed his throat.  Kissing turned into sucking, and Hermann moaned.  Newt was about to try to sneak a hand down Hermann’s pants when–

“Dude,” Newt panted, “do you feel that?”

“Yes, Newton.  It’s rather hard to miss.”

“What?  No, not _that_.  Is the car… rolling?”

Hermann looked ready to make a snide remark, but then his eyes went wide as the car slanted ever so slightly backwards.  Yeah, the car was _definitely_ rolling, oh _shit_.

“Oh shit!”

“For the love of God, Newton, _do something_!”

Newt reached over, grasped desperately at the parking brake, and pulled.  It wouldn’t budge.  The car was still rolling.  “It’s stuck!”

“Stuck?  How can it be stuck?!”

“I don’t know!”  He was actually about ninety-eight percent sure that he had kicked it pretty hard with his foot when he’d been trying to crawl on top of Hermann, but he wasn’t going to _say that_.  Hermann would kill him – assuming they weren’t both about to die in a minute or a two.

The car was picking up speed, and Newt considered trying to get back into the driver’s seat, but he’d had a hard enough time _before_ the car was moving, there was just no way he’d get back over there in time to do anything.  Panic started to claw at his insides and he clung to Hermann’s shoulders for dear life – not that it would probably do either of them much good.

The car didn’t crash so much as stop abruptly when it collided with the tree.  It wasn’t as bad Newt would have expected – apparently the slope of the hill hadn’t been steep enough for the car to pick up enough speed to actually do much damage.

Hermann still looked like his life was flashing before his eyes, all wide-eyed and trembling.  In Newt’s defense, he tried really, really hard not to laugh.  He really did try.  After several seconds of trying, his shoulders started shaking and he buried his face in Hermann’s shoulder.  Maybe Hermann would think he was crying with relief, instead of what he was actually doing – which was trying really, really hard to muffle one of the biggest giggle-fits of his life.

Hermann hissed in his ear, “I do not find this amusing, Newton.”

Oops.  “I’m sorry,” Newt wheezed.  “I just–  I had this night planned down to the last detail – for weeks I planned it – and it still went horribly wrong.”

“And that’s _funny_ to you?”

“A little bit, yeah.  I mean, it’s either laugh about it or cry about it, right?”

“I don’t plan on doing either.”

Newt lifted his head.  “Oh come on, Hermann.  It’s not like it’s a total disaster.  You’re in one piece, I’m in one piece, I’m pretty sure the car’s still in one piece.  More importantly I’m still in your lap, so I mean, are we gonna do this, or what?”

Hermann still looked sort of scared, and a little pissed off, and he hesitated for long enough that Newt’s heart sank a little at the thought that the night really might have been ruined.  He wasn’t too bothered about missing most of the meteor shower, or scraping and/or denting the rear bumper of his car, but if he’d seriously upset Hermann and ruined the night for him – _that_ bothered him.  It bothered him a lot, actually.  Maybe this whole thing had been a terrible idea to begin with.  As if he knew anything about being romantic.

“I mean, if you… don’t want to–  I don’t know, man, if you’d rather just go home, I guess we can?  I’m sorry.  I really am, Hermann.  I just wanted to do something special for you– with you, y’know, because–“

Hermann kissed him, and the rest of Newt’s words got tangled up in his throat and came out sounding more like “mmphalagoo” than “I love you.”

He did his best to maintain the kiss while trying to shrug out of his jacket, because between the adrenaline rush and his still considerable boner, it was beginning to feel really, really warm in that car.  Hermann tugged at the sleeves of his jacket and helped him out of it, then tossed it unceremoniously over his shoulder and into the back seat, which–

“Hey,” Newt breathed, face still pressed against Hermann’s.  “Are you comfortable?  There’s more room in the back.  Did you wanna…?”

Hermann’s face was flushed and his lips were swollen, and the _look_ he gave Newt made his jeans feel about two sizes too small.  “This is fine.  Besides,” he chuckled, “after the difficulty you had getting over here, I doubt you’ll have any stamina left if we try to move this elsewhere.”

“Pfft, stamina,” Newt growled, biting at Hermann’s lower lip.  “I’ll show you stamina.” 

He grinded against Hermann’s thigh which earned him a _really_ loud moan as he bucked up against him.  A minute ago, Newt had been worried that he had killed the mood, but apparently not, because Hermann was standing at full attention.  And Newt really, really needed out of his pants before he busted a seam or something.

Hermann must have read his mind, because he grabbed him by the edge of his jeans and hurriedly undid the buttons and unzipped the zipper.  Newt hadn’t worn any underwear, which yeah, the denim chafed a little, but it was totally worth it for the look on Hermann’s face – plus it was one less article of clothing to have to wrestle with.

Newt reached for Hermann’s pants, only to have his hands swatted away.

“Dude–“  He didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, because Hermann wrapped his fingers around his cock and his brain just sort of cartwheeled backwards and tripped over itself.

“There’s no need to rush, Newton,” Hermann said, sounding awfully calm and collected for someone who was enthusiastically pumping a guy’s dick.

Newt dug his fingers into Hermann’s shoulders.  “Yeah,” he breathed.  “Yeah, okay, however you want to–  _Oh_.  Fuck, Hermann– Holy shit.  Holy _shit_.  Okay, wow–  Wow.”

Hermann’s free hand slid under his shirt, fingers trailing up his spine and that was just–

Newt groaned and pressed his face into Hermann’s sweater.  “Dude, I– I don’t think I’m gonna last very long.”  He tentatively reached out towards the buttons of Hermann’s pants.  “Can I?  Please?”

He halfway expected another jab about stamina, because Hermann had this habit of continuing to be a snarky bastard even during sex – which, somehow, managed to be both irritating _and_ sexy – but he just nodded wordlessly.

“Okay, good.  God, seriously, how are you not _dying_ trapped in those pants, dude?”

“It’s something of a challenge, I admit.”

“Well, I think I can help out with that,” Newt said, lifting his head and giving him a crooked smile.

He grappled with the buttons for awhile – _why_ were there so many, what was the purpose of putting that many buttons on a pair of pants? – before finally freeing Hermann’s dick from its prison of horribly designed clothing.  It sprang out eagerly and Newt had this moment of desperately wanting to put it in his mouth, but that would require more car acrobatics and that just wasn’t going to happen.  Instead, he just took it in hand and gave it a friendly squeeze. 

Hermann let out a deep, shuddering breath and kissed his throat.  At some point, the hand that had been up his shirt had moved to the back of his neck and was gripping it firmly stroking it with his thumb in damn near perfect unison with the motion of his hand on Newt’s dick.  Newt’s hand found the same rhythm, and between all those things Newt was pretty close to losing it – but then Hermann bit him, softly at first, then a little harder at various points up and down Newt’s neck.  He made an aggravated noise when he encountered the collar of Newt’s shirt, as if he were deeply offended that it was denying him access to more of Newt’s skin. 

Newt couldn’t help it – he laughed, just a little bit, because Hermann was just so _Hermann_ even in the throes of passion.  He came in Hermann’s hand with a hard shudder.  Hermann followed a couple moments later, his fingers digging into the back of Newt’s neck so hard that it probably would’ve hurt if Newt’s endorphin levels hadn’t been through the roof.  Yeah, he was _definitely_ going to have bruises.

Between the two of them they’d gotten spunk all over themselves and the car seat.  It was going to be a pain to clean up, but it had been so, so worth it.  Best date night ever, hands down – aside from the part where the car had went rolling down the hill-side.

Newt reached into the glove compartment, where he’d stashed some tissues.  He cleaned up both Hermann and himself about as best as he could, and once they’d both tucked themselves back into their pants, he carefully settled himself on Hermann’s lap. 

“I’m not hurting you, am I?”

Hermann wrapped his arms around him.  “No, it’s fine.”

Funnily enough, the car was sitting at enough of an angle where it had finally stopped that it gave them a pretty great view of the meteor shower.

“This was very thoughtful of you, Newton,” Hermann said softly, eyes fixed on the sky.

“I think we missed most of it.”

He smiled, “Yes, but all the same…  Thank you.”

Hermann was considerably less charmed an hour later when they finally decided to go home and the car refused to start, and outright grumpy when the tow truck arrived another two hours later, but overall Newt still considered the night a success.

**Author's Note:**

> Plot twist: They *didn't* get cock-blocked! 
> 
> I originally planned for the fic to end when they hit the tree and Hermann was going to get mad and completely turned off and *then* they were going to realize the car wouldn't start, and the whole thing was just going to be a complete disaster, but I just couldn't. I must be going soft. Oh well, there's always next time!
> 
> (Also, the title was originally going to be If Two Scientists Fool Around In A Forest And No One Is Around To Hear Them, Do They Make A Sound?, but I decided that was way too long.)


End file.
